Talk
about the event, and encourage family members to describe what they
saw, heard, thought, and felt. Although
there may be a tendency to want to protect children from emotional pain
by “not talking about it,” this will only make the recovery more
difficult.
Be
honest, open and clear in the family.
Give children the facts in words they can understand.
Without facts, a child’s imagination will fill in the details,
which may be more horrifying than reality.
Telling what will happen next provides a sense of security.
Give
reassurance that children will be taken care of.
You may need to reassure children many times.
Give extra cuddling, hugs, and focused attention on the child.
Try to find a little extra time to spend with the children, even
if it means taking a break from important and pressing recovery
efforts. Do not be afraid
of “spoiling” children during this time.
Listen!
Listen! Listen!
Children and adults need you to listen more than they need you
to “make them feel better.” Be
prepared to hear or discuss the same details again and again.
This is an attempt to regain some control by understanding the
event.
Stay
together as a family as much as
possible. Make children
part of what you are doing to recover.
If you need to separate, reassure children you will return and
tell them when.
Include
children in recovery activities.
Chores and responsibilities appropriate to their age and
abilities will help them feel less helpless.
By helping and preparing for the future, they are reassured that
life will return to normal.
Maintain
normal routines as much as possible.
Children find comfort in the fact that routines provide
predictability. Adults in
distress often find this comforting as well.
Take care to get plenty of rest and eat well.
Healthy people are better able to cope and to recover.
Modify
your expectations.
Give yourself and family members “permission” to grieve and
time to heal. Understand
that performance at home, work or school may be affected temporarily.
Set small, realistic goals.
Break large, overwhelming jobs into smaller, manageable tasks.
Allow others to help.
Let
your children know others love and care about them.
Connect with family, friends, and neighbors.
Encourage them to share their experience by mailing letters or
drawings, or talking to them on the telephone.
Limit
exposure to additional trauma, including news reports.
Watching sensational news reports over and over again can cause
people to re-live the traumatic experience.
Reports of other disasters and “bad news” can also cause
more distress than usual.
Reassure
children the disaster was not their fault.
Survivor’s guilt, although not rational, is a common response
to disasters. People often
wonder if there is “something more they could have done.”
Guilt may often be expressed in behaviors and emotions.
Posted October 2003
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